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Changing the Conversation: How Young Female Women Communicate About Body Image
In a typical Friday morning rapid-fire, back and forth texting conversation with one of my girlfriends, I noticed how negatively we often communicate about our own bodies and physical appearance with each other. Not only just how negatively we depict ourselves and our body image but how normal this has become.
My friend was getting ready for a date she had that night, and the text she sent me read something along the lines of, “I can’t eat all day to make sure I look skinny on this date tonight.” Without second thinking, regrettably, I typed back, “omg no, you cannot eat. one bite, and you’ll be so bloated you will end up canceling.”
It wasn’t until a few hours later, I thought to myself, WTF?! How is this type of body image discussion not only so common among young adult females, but also so normal! I never once tried to argue with her thought process, because I knew I might be thinking the same thing if I had a date that night.
For many of us, our image of self is unrealistically skewed as we are constantly comparing ourselves to the celebrities and “influencers” we see on social media. When you face rejection from a prospective new friend or love interest it is easy to think, “am I not good enough?” – and “good enough” often means “physically attractive enough.”
I think back to the scene in the movie Mean Girls, when each girl is standing in front of the mirror picking apart at their physical flaws, and Cady Harron says, “I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently, there are lots of things that can be wrong on your body.” [2]
It is sad to note that often conversations among females revolve around weight and/or physical appearance. Are you going out tonight? “Can’t eat too much, want to look good in your dress” is an example of the critical self-talk that leads to unhealthy body image and disordered eating.
Did you perhaps overeat? Did you splurge on that piece of cake you swore to yourself you wouldn’t have? Well, the first thing I may find myself doing, is to go to my phone and immediately call or text one of my girlfriends and say, “well, if I had a piece of that cake, you need to have a piece too.” I realize this is an unhealthy thought process and am working to change this inner dialogue within myself.
Why is this? Why does my self-worth and body image sometimes decrease when I have a slice of pizza? And why, do I only feel better if one of my girlfriends has a slice too?
One concept of our identity to consider is that the “self” has three aspects: an actual, ideal, and ought self. This can be summed up by saying the actual self is who you think you are, with looks falling under this category. The ideal is the person you wish you could be, and the ought self is what you think others think you should be.
It is interesting to see that “the degree of match between who you are and your ideal self also determines your self-esteem.” Therefore, how you view and feel about yourself or your body image is measured against who you think you should be. This is not shocking in a world where we look up to and aspire to be like the models we see on billboards and on our phones on Instagram. [1]
I know our image of self, specifically physical appearance and weight, won’t change overnight. I am guilty of it too. While I build my girlfriends up, so they know they are beautiful, attractive, and do not have to change a thing, I meanwhile tear myself down.
From this day forward, I made a promise to no longer degrade my physical appearance. Did I have one slice of pizza too many? Yes, maybe. Did I enjoy it? Yes, absolutely. Will I ever look like the girl I am comparing myself to on social media? No, and she doesn’t look like that either.
Please Note This Article May Be Triggering for Some – so maybe pass on this blog if you might be vulnerable. But is an honest and authentic exploration by the writer into observing body/eating critical comments and considering changing the dialogue.
References:
1. How Does Your “Sense Of Self” Relate To Depression? – Srini Pillay – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/debunking-myths-the-mind/201905/how-does-your-sense-self-relate-depression
2. Mean Girls – https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0377092/quotes/qt0395892
About the Author:
Hannah Roesler is a graduate from Fordham University and currently working and living in New York City. Hannah is originally from Spring Lake, NJ and often goes home on the weekends in the summer to enjoy the beach. She struggled with laxative abuse throughout the majority of her college and several post-college years. She is currently in recovery and working as the Eating Disorder Hope Special Projects Coordinator. Her hobbies include SoulCycle and running both competitively and for leisure.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective on eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Published April 7, 2020, on EatingDisorderHope.com
Reviewed & Approved on April 7, 2020, by Jacquelyn Ekern MS, LPC
