Balance & Eating Disorder Recovery: Walking Your talk

Contributor: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC, President at Eating Disorder Hope

Balance…that elusive state of an even and calm distribution of our energy toward our physical, emotional and spiritual well being. We all want it, but it can be very difficult to live a life of balance.

It actually takes tremendous clarity and discipline to craft a life that is congruent with our values, nature and gifts.

The individual in recovery from an eating disorder may struggle with living a life of balance. After all, many of us partially developed an eating disorder because of our personality traits of perfectionism, people pleasing nature and sensitivity toward feedback from others about ourselves.

Desperation for External Approval, Not Internal Acceptance

Our cure for this precarious sense of self and security was often to super achieve and thus earn the desperately needed approval and admiration that we so badly craved to feel safe, loved and secure.

Once we embark on recovery from an eating disorder, we are often encouraged to become what seems the antithesis of our true nature:

• Stop trying to please everyone
• Accept ourselves for who we are not what we “could be” if we just tried harder
• Be authentic and transparent
• Let others in and be emotionally available (and thus, somewhat vulnerable) in relationships

Embracing the Freedom of Authenticity

To the newbie in recovery from an eating disorder, this sounds like throwing in the towel and giving up on the very carefully crafted and executed persona that we present to the world to meet our needs for esteem and love from others. It sounds like just becoming a run of the mill, average joe!

Nothing special, nothing that makes us stand out, just plain and dull mediocrity. Not too enticing for those who feel their worth and value is contingent on achievement and the admiration of others.

So, as we embark upon our recovery journey, we may initially embrace the freedom of authenticity and bask in the comfort of self acceptance. This state may be largely “borrowed” from our therapist(s), but over time that sense of acceptability and freedom to be our unique selves becomes stronger within. We heal and engage more meaningfully in our relationships and live a life more congruent with our values.

Finding Support for the Ups and Downs

But, it is rarely smooth sailing. We typically vacillate between states of self acceptance and a seemingly relentless drive to do better, be better, achieve and excel. It is difficult to sort out what is “enough”. What is enough effort? What is enough success? What is enough contribution?

This is where the aftercare support of a therapist, through the months and years following intensive eating disorder treatment can be so valuable. Each individual must uniquely examine and determine for themselves what level of achievement they are comfortable with while maintaining physical, emotional and spiritual balance.

Comparisons to Others Does Nothing to Help

Comparing ourselves to others is futile, it really doesn’t matter what someone else can achieve while maintaining a balanced lifestyle. The key question is: what does a balanced life look like for us if we are to maintain recovery from an eating disorder?

It is sobering to note that the eating disorder did not develop in a vacuum and however we were prioritizing our values and choices in life before may no longer work for us. We may need to make different choices if we are to sustain a life of eating disorder recovery and health.

Grieving the Loss of the Idealized Self

We may have to grieve the loss of an idealized self that we were pursuing when deep in our eating disorders. Lofty goals and relentless drive that motivated us to lift ourselves out of the mediocrity that we feared may no longer be appropriate for us. We may need to modify our need for achievement and instead increase our ability to live mindfully, one day at a time and actually enjoy the moment.

A balanced life in recovery may mean resting more, engaging in hobbies or interests that fulfill us but have little possibility of gaining us additional stature or approval in the world. It may mean choosing to lay in the grass with your dog and allowing the sun to bathe you in its warmth rather than putting in that extra effort to get an A+ on the paper or gain the bosses approval by taking on another shift when you are tired.

Letting People Down to Be True to Yourself

It may mean leaving the prestigious job and choosing one that is more congruent with your values, gifts and goals. It may mean letting some people down so that you can be true to yourself. It may mean doing less so that you can be more.

So, balance is a very important part of eating disorder recovery and a life well lived. It is a great measuring stick of how we are proceeding in our recovery, too. Are we focusing too much on one area of our lives and neglecting others? Are others giving us feedback that indicates we are not living a balanced life?

The beautiful thing is that we can always stop, assess where we are at, and begin again to live the balanced life that we need and deserve.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

What steps have you taken to achieve a more balanced life in your recovery? What advice do you have to share with others?

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on April 18th, 2015
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com