- Calls to this hotline are currently being directed to Within Health or Eating Disorder Solutions
- Representatives are standing by 24/7 to help answer your questions
- All calls are confidential and HIPAA compliant
- There is no obligation or cost to call
- Eating Disorder Hope does not receive any commissions or fees dependent upon which provider you select
- Additional treatment providers are located on our directory or samhsa.gov
Making Amends with Loved Ones in Eating Disorder Recovery
Making amends is an important step in the recovery process, both for you and for your loved ones. Eating disorders can wreak a path of destruction and family, friends, and significant others end up becoming collateral damage.
How do we heal those relationships?
The Importance of Making Amends
Making amends is the incredibly difficult but brave act of someone in recovery acknowledging their shortcomings and creating a dialogue with someone that they may have harmed when in the midst of their disorder. This action is not intended to place blame or cause guilt for the person in recovery.
Quite the opposite, the goal is to create a dialogue with someone who may have been hurt by your illness in order to release feelings of guilt and create understanding for both parties.
It is important to distinguish that making amends is not the same thing as apologizing. For some situations, an apology may be suitable. However, the wounds left on loved ones of someone with an eating disorder can go deep, therefore, so must your discussion about them.
To make amends is to say sorr
y, but it is also to talk about what happened, to process your shared experience, and to work through the negative to heal and strengthen that strained relationship.
It is up to you when to make amends; however, most people find that it is a more genuine interaction when they are further into their recovery. At this time, they are more able to admit their shortcomings and the way their actions have impacted others without going into a shame spiral. One cannot properly mend a situation until they admit it was broken to begin with.
Making amends is a cathartic experience for the person in recovery. Numerous studies show that people consider making amends to be a commendable action and find their feelings of self-worth increase afterward as a result [1].
Additionally, those in recovery are often looking for a way to understand the world now that they are so changed. Making amends reaffirms the “just-world theory,” which details that “the world is fair and responsive to their actions [1].”
As such, putting good into the world brings good back to you. Many who make amends feel they have been emitting negativity throughout their disorder and want to begin bringing goodness into the world again, for them and their loved ones.
How to Make Amends in Recovery
The “how” of making amends is something only the person in recovery can determine.
Making amends can be direct, wherein the person discusses the problem, how they contributed to it, and how they will fix it. It can also be done indirectly, if one cannot make amends with the person directly affected by their actions. Finally, there are living amends, where one vows to cease engaging in the previous behaviors that were so harmful to their loved ones.
This can be a difficult step to reach and follow through with. If you are working through recovery, be sure to do your own personal work before making amends so that it is genuine. True amends that come from a more healthy and happy person can go a long way in healing both the person in eating disorder recovery and those they love.
About the Author: Margot Rittenhouse is a therapist who is passionate about providing mental health support to all in need and has worked with clients with substance abuse issues, eating disorders, domestic violence victims and offenders, and severely mentally ill youth. As a freelance writer for Eating Disorder and Addiction Hope and a mentor with MentorConnect, Margot is a passionate eating disorder advocate, committed to de-stigmatizing these illnesses while showing support for those struggling through mentoring, writing, and volunteering. Margot has a Master’s of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University.
References:
[1] Weinberg, N. (1995). Does apologizing help? The role of self-blaming and making amends in recovery from bereavement. Health and Social Work, 20:4, 294-299.The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Published May 3, 2017.
Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on May 1, 2017.
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com
