College Life: Eating Disorders and Letting go of Shame

Contributor: Camille Malecha, MA, LPC, Eating Disorder Specialist, Timberline Knolls

Two uncomfortable and yet extremely common emotions for everyone, but can be especially present around addictive behaviors are: guilt and shame. Here is a little explanation about the difference between guilt and shame, because they can be easily confused or used interchangeably.

Guilt can be described as “I did something bad” and recognizing a mistake but not taking it on as a personal characteristic. Shame can be described as “I am bad” and taking on a mistake as a characteristic of self and often leads to low self-worth or value.

Guilt Is the Easier Emotion

It is often easier to forgive ourselves when feeling guilty because we are able to recognize the mistake and learn from it. With guilt there is often a sense of hope that things can be different in the future, but shame can lead to feeling hopelessness of ever changing.

Shame is often so uncomfortable that it results in keeping secrets due to not wanting others to know about the unwanted qualities or mistakes.

How Eating Disorders and Shame Relate

Eating disorder behaviors can be used to cope with and/or numb out that icky feeling that shame often produces. There can also be a lot of shame around engaging in eating disorder behaviors, which is why symptoms are often kept secret.

Therefore, with eating disorders and shame there is often a cycle where feelings of shame leads to acting on eating disorder behaviors, which leads to more shame and so on and so on. Breaking the cycle can begin through support from others, working through feelings of shame, and being kind and gentle to self.

Reducing Feelings of Shame

Being honest and open in support groups and therapy about struggles with eating disorder behaviors and hearing from other people who struggle in similar ways can help reduce feelings of shame and promote an increase in self-acceptance.

Acknowledging and beginning to forgive self for mistakes in the past can help take the power away from the feelings of shame that can be unbearable and lead to more unwanted behaviors.

What Letting Go of Shame Looks Like

Maybe letting go of shame looks like sharing in a support group or with a supportive friend who can be compassionate. Maybe letting go of shame looks like writing a letter about shameful feelings and experiences and burning it.

Maybe letting go of shame looks like recognizing shame and learning from mistakes by setting goals for a more positive future. Maybe letting go of shame looks like forgiving self through a letter, artwork, dance, or other creative outlet. Maybe letting go of shame means believing I am human and I am okay just the way I am.

If you, or someone you know, struggles with an eating disorder, please get the help you need.

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About Timberline Knolls:

Located in suburban Chicago, Timberline Knolls is a leading private residential treatment center for females (ages 12 – 65+) with eating disorders, substance abuse, trauma, mood and co-occurring disorders. For more information, call 877.257.9611 today.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

Letting go of shame is an important part of an eating disorder recovery, what has been your experience with learning to let go of shame?

The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on January 16th, 2015
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com